Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "steve" journal:
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snowman holocaust. semi-erect bloodbath fasting portly words hiccuping and allowing layaways. wasting the days and the years. weeks ahead of time and rosemary. boring fairy, lactose intolerant. i will not tolerate scat man. i vomit in a can. i can can, but betelgeuse is cool, man. doing a song and dance routine, eating poutine. creatine, lindy-hop massage parlors, deserted highways to the end of the country.
david's lost and hiding seek frustration. found at supermarket in basket allowing dead dogs to rip apart stockings. pantyhose blocking pubic entrance, entrancing the doped up children, bulldozers are aroused. bespectacled crowds howl with growing mirth. check out the BBW's girth. she is a beautiful specimen. i can treat her to my sexytime regimen. like a hardening raisin caked with sugar, an explosive grandfather clock encroaches like the army of cockroaches on my linoleum kitchen floor. i got it at the store. i store my woes in public storage, it's an abhorrent practice, like my godawful singing and saxaphone playing. damn, i'm hating myself now, like a beetle crossed with a cow, an unusual mutation with sickening images to share. don't dare me, ride my unicycle when you're as high as me naturally. satisfy the bestial deep-rooted instincts and get inked up at the tattoo shop. get a tattoo of a mop and a broom. be a damned apprentice, but send me lettuce in the mail. don't worry if it starts to stink over time, i will end the life of the sodden pine. i use axe, i chop it down, i clown around as it hits the ground by yelling "timber!" i am at a loss for words, sarge. aw, now i'm all snarky and bedbugs bit me in my sleep, i'm just as nasty as my youngest niece. she's incomplete and her hedge isn't trimmed, but i can sand her edges down with sandpaper. just let me get this diaper off, and we're off the races. we mix it up and wash our dirty faces in the mud. let's get studded with a bedazzler. i'm faster than alex trebek on a moped. i'm so dead when they handle my corpse. of course i was eating creamed corn! nobody understood the ramifications of my insistence on eating vegan meals, and the occasional dinner of veal, but my zeal will not be surpassed or seen as a flash in the pan! i have demands, and i have projects that are in the can: they've been completed, just like this fresh essay for your consideration and condescension. i don't want no dissension, i only have the very best of intentions for my henchmen. go to hell. send me the bill. everything's swell, because i drank all the water in the well. well, well, well... isn't that wonderful and unique. a prismatic laughably tragic excuse for something barbaric. you are a used up worn out bored out your gourd loose lipped loser of the lowest common denominator. your IQ is negative, i'm dejected by this information. i can't have a good time anymore because i've been stripped of my duties as an unpaid cultural slaughterer.
Current Mood: sweaty hands
freak. right, wrong. blackout.|
it would please me to please you. i don't even know who you are, but you deserve some pleasure in life. inhale the pleasure like smoke from a cigarette. feeling good is your right. the right to ecstasy is inalienable. taking away my good times would be shameful. questionable tactics, a wreck, a havoc unleashed with warlike fervor. with afterburners glowing, the harmful substance abusers abused their children and sold them at auction for a carton of cigars. milky white substances give you sustenance and provide a lift. the dozing security guards are not doing their jobs right. they need to be ejected from the building. don't do it wrong, i'm warning you. i'm losing my feathers. i'm always haunted by hunters. impeach the watermelon. don't do it unto others. search your room for proof of purchases. slather yourself with talcum powder. don't take a shower. do some jumping jacks. do push ups and sit in my lap. extend your arms. bend your knees and push them out. shout out loud. wreck your car.
hey, i care about you. what can i say that won't result in my expulsion from your consciousness?
"you're one persnickety sumbitch!" said the bald man to the witch.
"you're a fabulous performer, darling, but let me drink my bottled water in peace!" she responded indignantly. she was repulsed by the bawdy bald man, and she ran.
"hey, come back, please! i want you to bend your knees and accept my seed! have mercy on my lust! have compassion for my perverse libidinal cravings! oh my!" he cried.
"you won't catch me with my panties down, you clown! i'm off to the west, for that is my home, that is where i lay. i shan't lay with a man such as yourself, you snazzy elf! i mean to insult you with that term, and i hope it burns!"
"you cowardly wench! go back whence you came if it is i you wish to maim! i won't complain! see you on the flip side, burnt pancake wombat! i'm all that!"
the witch took off on her broom with a bang and a zoom. she lived beyond the moon. beyond pakistan and disneyland. beyond all the thriving schoolchildren in the badlands.
"that witch will have her day," grumbled the bald man. "she cannot live without one such as i. i can't ascertain why a lovely woman with her values would choose to reject a charming handsome bloke like me. i just can't seem to see why that would be! jeez."
the bald man walked back to his hut and went to sleep. the end, freak!
game over, loser. the government wins. the assignment was spurned and i warned you that the mission would go unfulfilled like a lonely libido in a frying pan. you jump from flames and burn the soles of your feet. you are incomplete, and an inconvenient truth is revealed to unbelieving nay-saying eyes. yes, the shadow bestowed its grand vision and lack of perception to those in need of knowledge transplants. i planted new ideas into the corrupt minds of my brethren. the soldiers, the swine of seduction. the infertile descendants of purple hazes from forty years ago. like ants, the hive-mind is perplexed and bedridden. wetting their beds, the drones assemble, boggled by mindfucking energies. the declaration of insurmountable obstacles is preached to an unconverted mass of hurting herds. they receive and dispense pain with the casual mindlessness of a the daily working man's routine. the success here is given to worthless worms with palms upturned, begging for a frontal lobotomy when they sweat on top of me. i am gagged, and i whine. i comply. i'm subhuman, but sublime. a footprint in animal history, a damned individually wrapped astronaut trapped in another eon across the universe. five thousand light years separate my actual identity from the clumsy presence of my perceived individuality. a section of time, unreachable by current human means, cannot destroy my invincible destiny.
gorged on fluorescent lifeforms, the idiotic roiling mass of a man winces at the thought of ingesting any more. he is a prisoner of his own mind, and he knows not what he does. he's an elephant of unhappiness, just dust in my hand. i've been standing still for so long that the dust develops thickened hills onto my outstretched hands. the top of my head terminates in a cone of filth: my crown. the truth, thickened, quickened my pulse. my arteries burst and i experienced blood loss. i was speechless, but my mind's eye, the third eye, took in a bewildering assortment of unearthly colors. i experienced unreal pleasures, my better understanding of the demands desired by those in command. the telepathic link between master and slave was established. i banished the idea of my inferiority to the corner. time out. no need to pout or sulk. there's no anticipation of any inactivity or misuse of my finite time in the physical realm. the universe needs me to sort out certain things. round holes, expectant blocks, activities relevant to my cause. the awe experienced by my apostles is invigorating. i tremble with reverence. my lying conscience is a supreme nuisance. i can't resist these illusions of compassion. happiness is out of fashion. break the chains of foolishness for my sake. drink the chemicals that you need. spy on your neighbors. be a good person, do me a favor. enslave the inner voices. you have choices, but don't realize the damning energies that have controlled you and your dad. i control the bad emotions that suffocate creativity. i nourish the flames of anger and regret. i pet and stroke the little malevolent creatures in my head. the resignation, the dread, the curiosity, the sense of failure, the sense of confusion. if i may be so bold, i will inevitably have my heart sold. who needs that fragile machine? it's obsolete. my obnoxious routine stinks. it's clearly a lifestyle for schmucks. i'm making the big bucks, dude. don't deny that i have attitude. i've got moxie. i'm straight up in the air hugging clouds. i'm on cloud nine. i plummet to earth quickly and land on dirt clod ten. my name is sludge. i'm a permanent guest in the house of fevered passion. i'll make your hat spin.
everybody loves raymond|
automatic life procession down memory lane into chapel of upheaval. snuff out disgust. quiet the moody mindlessness suffocating the otherwise predominant optimism. calming melodies exist in untamed dimensions and surround the sputtering crowds with a pacifying field of elegant mysticism. undulating wildly, pirouetting, smiling, dozens of drones dream of donning capes and sipping tea, eating scones, stuffing faces with ice cream, ponying up, getting up to no good, but getting down to it on the dance floor like nobody's business. the ABCs of a vengeful deity and his reigning raging frothing wrath. unmapped, unhinged, not wanted, thrown out the door. defenestration is imminent. those repellent goons tried my patience with their jabbering about wrong politics and small ideas. easy distractions, sleazy interactions with ugly fools bumbling around in the prison yard of a grocery store floor. i mop and scrub, i see the disease, it doesn't bother me. basic filth i can understand and even tolerate on certain levels, but large multi-cellular lifeforms with their hideous mannerisms and idiotic speech patterns disturb me, they make me behave badly mentally. a breakdown of sorts occurs, a certain switch is flipped, i can't flip the script quick enough to evade the arrows of non-thought being hurled like vomit toward my innocent face. i'm about to trace my fingers over the invisible weapons in my hands and reprimand the damned.
a bunch of knaves with knives can commit unspeakable crimes in my favor. i will enjoy this, i will savor the destruction that the idiots bring. i will fling their blood from my hands with contempt. i can't expect any less from the best idea i've ever had. am i mad? i can't get mad, i'm too complacent and atrophied, i'm not up to speed with the ways human beings interact these days. with a new year, i get bored and tired, i was told that i was mired in a swamp of unimaginative drivel. my inner narrator is a cruel bastard, i've got to do something about him. sometimes you need to break up with your friends. sometimes a video game is a means to an end. i will not tolerate any more nonsense, i will only add up all the facts like dollars, i will ignore all those hollers. people yelling at me will be dealt with appropriately. they will be humiliated and infected. i will be celebrated and respected by every person on the planet. this is my dream, this is my TV show. this is my universe, i'm the center, yo. if you think i'm lying, you'll be sad to learn that i'm not. you can go crawl into a hole and rot under six feet of soil. with all my strength and mental agility i toil for your entertainment and edification. i'm like a lousy cartoon with a low budget and half-assed voice acting. i don't hear you clapping! applause! celebrate the frauds! sell your soul to imaginary gods! succeed in denying all the facts, and relax! you can have your half eaten cake and treat it to a makeover! add some more frosting, add some more batter, add a few more sprinkles to the platter, then just look at it - eat chocolate and get fatter!
cock a doodle doo! rabid ramblings are suppurating, i'm celebrating the death of my childhood in the best possible way! this is an impossible day! a bumptious serenade surrounds my perception of the universe and i'm poised with pursed lips, pausing the timeline and rearranging atomic structures to suit my needs. i'm in need of very precise maneuvers, i'm supine, sublime, punctual and on a rapid line toward oblivion, i haven't much time left, but this hammer of mine has a pleasant heft. i shall use this weapon of destruction to rain blows upon my intellectual adversaries.i haven't got any worries since i've sneezed them all out. a clean conscience and an empty hissing mind are tools of the trade for this jackass horny spade. all trades are corrupt, the trade routes were dusty and i felt stuck in an occupation of my own choosing. as i was losing the game, i became aware of certain self-fulfilling prophecies. my knees would not weaken with increasing pleasure. bereft of sensation, my body was a broken trigger for a psychedelic gun. no fun. the release was thwarted by a chemical imbalance and a sick twist on brain chemistry and habitual behavior. no scooby snacks were awarded to my personal angelic devil assistants, they fell out of my favor. how many personalities are there in my head? i thought there was just one, but what is it i've become? more than one sickness. permeated by parasitic intelligences, balanced and fair usage of mental resources, fox news style. i'm sick like a fox, i've got big curls, i'm mopping the floor with anyone else's idea of who i am. for now i'm running away, on the lam. i eat veal and i'm prancing in underwear under ceiling fans that dance. my acting is wooden, my song is broken, my vocals are pained and straining under the weight of a weary life. a dreary circumstance that's beyond any military man's control. i'm allowed to howl at anything because it's my right. born without a cause, with razor teeth and claws, ripping my way out of the womb and shrieking like a loon, i am bathed in violence and madness, i'm never allowed any tenderness, it's all ravenous unbalanced savagery. like an idiotic demon, a felonious animal, a broken toy with malicious intent, a new mutation of bacterium infecting the population with incurable psychosis. now is the time to commit to ideas of absolute morbid sacrilegious acidic vitriolic explosion. doom on a galactic level. mow down the bored looking crowd to polite golf applause. use your jaws.
with bacon frying, my eyes are set on a new prismatic prize. a system overloading with piss. the birth of a vicious fist, flying out of an anus toward my face. i have found my place in the warped dimension we inhabit. my habitat is fantastic and orbits an enormous beating heart. where do i end, where should i start? what's the purpose of prune-like fingers in the bathtub? will you give your guardian a hug or will you spit in his face? what are the consequences of any possible action i take? i feel total freedom, a strong sexual impulse angrily shaking inside my skin. there are ways to commit sins without any regret. it's called dominance, it's a winning bet. it's a safe thing to take part in, part my hair and slide into the tunnel of sloppy fraudulent sorrow. you can borrow my mantra: "do what you wanna."
all spirituality is intellectually bankrupt. all emotions except anger and despair are illusions, and we don't even care. sex and the desire to manipulate others is a tangible unbreakable thing. it's a laughable and fragile cycle with increasing frequency as the population rapidly increases. the fruitful disease of humanity is bringing any hope of a utopia to its knees and smashing its head in with a rock. rock my world. i'll swallow the sword of disgust and annihilate the trust that i had in my own promises. i only exist to mystify myself and stifle the cries of an inept elf. bring the end to all meaningless activities immediately. satisfy me.
Current Mood: nauseated
maggot man is bread. he lies. buy more asparagus.|
jerry had maggots in his brain, and they controlled his body. jerry was walking to the corner store to buy a pack of cigarettes, but the maggots had other plans for him. they commanded him to take his hand out of his pocket and wave it like the queen of england to people in passing cars. this disturbed jerry greatly, and his expression of dismay confused the people that saw it. the maggots pushed jerry to do other outlandish deeds, like doing an irish jig, dragging his butt on the ground like a dog, and biting his left arm. the maggots were having too much fun. it was a happy time inside jerry's skull. jerry continued to do foolish things at the request of his cranial infestation. jerry wasn't having any of this nonsense, though, and he fell asleep as his body continued to do ridiculous stunts for the public. the maggots noticed this, and it made them sad. without a host to torment, their actions felt fruitless, so they filed out of jerry's left ear as he laid in a ditch. they crawled into a nearby rotting cat carcass where they had a big meal of decaying flesh.
two hours later, jerry woke up refreshed and ready to buy the cigarettes he so desperately wanted. he noticed the absence of the maggots and felt better than he had in weeks. jerry bought his cigarettes and then jaunted off to his trailer house, smoking all the way. when jerry arrived at his trailer, he worked on his clay sculpture for about half an hour, then he went to hang out with his friend bruno.
bruno was a scrawny guy with a blonde mullet and thick glasses. he was jerry's closest friend, and a constant inspiration to him. when jerry and bruno got together, they usually played chess for several hours. during these long chess matches, the two would reminisce about their time in afghanistan. they were both military veterans, and they enjoyed their memories of the war. bruno often compared the military tactics he had used to the game of chess. bruno considered himself a knight, because he liked to hop around like a rabbit when he was in the army. jerry, conversely, considered himself a queen. not because he was a particularly powerful or cunning fighter, but because he liked to dress up like a lady. also, he was gay. jerry had a one man drag show down at "the aviary," a known hot-spot for gay veterans in the san antonio area.
as the chess match came to a close, jerry decided to head back home and get some "real sleep." the long game had been so intellectually demanding that he had burned over 500 calories by thinking alone. although jerry lost the game, he felt fine, as if he had learned something. the two shook hands and parted ways. as jerry walked past the cigarette store, he tripped on a pothole and fell into a ditch. jerry hit his head on the curb as he toppled over, and it knocked him out.
when jerry woke up, he immediately leaped into the air and started shouting gibberish. he flapped his arms like an idiot, and, to his horror, realized that he was once again under maggot control.
putty in my hands. making demands for free thought, but being shot down into the abyss. nobody should treat me like this! totally nullified, confined, locked and imprisoned without fair trial. i dialed the wrong number, i missed an opportunity, i had an itchy jittery trigger finger and a rusty nail file attached to a key. i can't even recite my speech right, i'm too flustered. i'm not on any medication, i'm not any better, i'm a sweating broken parody of humanity. i'm a fool floating on an unused apology in the depression sea. my useless apologies carry no weight, they inflate and save lives. i'm inside the knives that penetrate my skull to the source of my infinite hate. the hatred erupts in ugly outbursts and derails my conscious thoughts and my conscience is lost, it fled the scene as i scream and trip over my words. i stumble and disturb the birds in the nearby trees. they see the sad systematic automatic failure that has occurred and get out of my path, unlike the black cats. the dark felines saunter nonchalantly across the halls that i walk down to get to the source of a new frown. a new career in misery in an old broken down idiot's town. a town run by imbeciles, a whipping boy was abused, a princess was excused, the torment continued unabated, i was never fully rehabilitated and my good mood can't be reinvigorated. i'm not being persuaded to act kind to anyone ever. i'm no better than a pest or a film with no artistic merit that causes sexual thoughts. i've aborted the reason to even consider having a good time. drenched in pink slime, the crime remains "neglect." i inherit sins from past generations, then i get sick. i hurl, i vomit out the contents of an innocent soul. nothing remains but a collapsed star, a black hole. a gaping opening, nothing can fulfill. i drink poisons, i swill toxins, i consume rotten arrangements of processed garbage. i don't exercise my right to have a clear mind. i reject air. i reject the notion that i can care. i bid you farewell. i bid on unsavory items in a black market. i anticipate the auctioneer's babble, i remember how to prattle on with small minded twits with their small talk, their idiotic squandering of time. the time comes to further reject and refute all controlling forces. negate all the life-sucking menaces to my vitality. i will acquire the source of boundless psychic energy and violently oppose, i will vigorously violate all the virulent vermin that vex me. very well and good, very swell and the brood multiplies. the evil swine will reproduce rapidly, but my command of my own moldy mind will entertain and entrance the opposition. i will entrust nobody with my main ideas, i will run the enemy through with spears, that's how i hold them dear. nearer to the stomp of my enraged foot, the bodies are torn up as the spear pulls out. now who pouts? there is a clear victor. voice a criticism of useless crippling fear, be annihilated, be exterminated, be eviscerated, then wake up. wake and shake your head, jump on the bed, yell. if hell doesn't exist, we can't go to hell.
scores of predators roamed the countryside in pursuit of pleasantries. plenty of opportunities were presented to the predators as they padded along the prairie. all hope of finding a succulent meal was fading fast, and the animals went hungry quickly. they were gasping and angry, denied the life they deserved, maligned by the cosmos, a party to a bogus and deviant declaration. a unanimous decision was made that day, in haste. the beast with the shortest straw would be a sacrifice, bitten into with jaws, consumed, a fulfilling meal, an interesting development. painful realities were unfolding. destiny was doomed to repeat a historical inaccuracy. the deadpan audience reaction was lackluster, it didn't fulfill us or our fair sister, the mega-church. a negative reversal of ill fortune and the outcry, the reaction against the severed forces - it was too much to handle. a mess of a pariah was called upon to take blame for crimes committed against the flesh and the mind. other humans were dismissed, indoctrinated, persecuted, incarcerated, reviled, spit upon, eviscerated. you name it, it happened. i happened to know what was going on because i heard the significance in the tone of the gong. somebody wasn't going to make it to the next round, they were out of the show. poor things, always rupturing my spine, always leaving their children and pets behind in hot cars with rolled up windows. the suffocation is part of a grand plan, it's nothing to reprimand an off duty parent or guardian for. i can justify this whore - she's really an undercover officer of the law. she'll cuff you and break your jaw. she's got a gun and can use force if it comes down to it. now i'm down in it.
Current Mood: okay
emily had some nice warm socks on. she walked to the kitchen to get some hot pockets out of the freezer. she hummed a progressive rock song as she pressed the buttons on the microwave. her index finger pointed to the "start" button. when the button was pressed, the lights went out in her small apartment. after approximately 2 seconds, the lights flickered back on, but she was in another place. it looked like xen from half life. excitedly, emily began to jump up and down, to test the gravity of her new world. just as expected, she flew high into the air. a creepy giant tentacle rose up from a nearby pit and began pecking at the ground with its pointy claw. emily jumped right at the creature and secured herself to it with a mighty hug.
"what's your problem, bitch?" inquired the monster with agitation.
"you needn't be so rude!" said emily with glee.
"get off me!"
"no way, hog. we doin' this fo REAL, stacked up platterwurst!"
"you such a damn bitch!"
"yeah, well at least i'm not a froggy dutch boy male oven batter up pop art smallpox mean meat mon!"
"goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo goo."
"whoop! nao, no. nao, no. nao, nao... nao."
breathing is a vital life process. don't take it for granted. give it the permission to liven up your life. cut into your veal with a knife, experience the zeal of excellent living conditions. desperate to break free from the chokehold of anxiety that brings me misery, don't be put down by misunderstood forces beyond your control. take charge of the situation. the celebration will commence when the war is declared on internal oppression. i've learned a valuable lesson: i will lessen the pain and fear i feel. i exist, i'm real, i'm a distinct gentleman voicing his concerns to the public. i've been relieved of my weapons. i'm no felon, i'm a champion of freedom. an evil twin is observed to be disturbing. his methods are terroristic, i see them unfolding and engulfing my mental landscape. a landslide of neglected thoughts collapses into a sea of repressed emotions and dull memories, creating a real stir. the swirling hodgepodge of gibberish is cut into waves which wash over the inside of my face. being ineloquent, i can't explain the extent to which i've been robbed of any way to react to this darkly compelling living nightmare. i sit and helplessly stare at an uncaring screen. nobody can hear my scream because it's silent. i'm igniting the mental filament that illuminates the interior of my skull. just say no to boredom and the dull. hitchhike to a new land for the carefree to see sights and ride zeppelins, defeat the devils of spiritual celibacy, bathe in the river, wriggle and flop, decide to drop all cares, feel the water flinging from your hair. it would make a good photograph. it's a special treat, a vision to behold, a carnal liberation, a meaty infatuation with the world and its many sublime pleasures. the most durable mind weathers the storm and is once again born into a completely different configuration of atoms. a smashing understanding of cosmic madness. you must dance and accept the absolute purity of existence at all costs. there's no escaping this holocaust of happiness. opened up, connecting with like-minded individualists, discussing ideas of true worth, controlling oneself excellently. the self blooms into a strong mandala of unending understanding of creativity and power. laughter is let loose, the doves are flying higher than the corporate spire. with healthy excitation, i perspire and conspire to commit more unspeakable atrocities against the mean spirited ugly negativity that seeks to destroy me.
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