putty in my hands. making demands for free thought, but being shot down into the abyss. nobody should treat me like this! totally nullified, confined, locked and imprisoned without fair trial. i dialed the wrong number, i missed an opportunity, i had an itchy jittery trigger finger and a rusty nail file attached to a key. i can't even recite my speech right, i'm too flustered. i'm not on any medication, i'm not any better, i'm a sweating broken parody of humanity. i'm a fool floating on an unused apology in the depression sea. my useless apologies carry no weight, they inflate and save lives. i'm inside the knives that penetrate my skull to the source of my infinite hate. the hatred erupts in ugly outbursts and derails my conscious thoughts and my conscience is lost, it fled the scene as i scream and trip over my words. i stumble and disturb the birds in the nearby trees. they see the sad systematic automatic failure that has occurred and get out of my path, unlike the black cats. the dark felines saunter nonchalantly across the halls that i walk down to get to the source of a new frown. a new career in misery in an old broken down idiot's town. a town run by imbeciles, a whipping boy was abused, a princess was excused, the torment continued unabated, i was never fully rehabilitated and my good mood can't be reinvigorated. i'm not being persuaded to act kind to anyone ever. i'm no better than a pest or a film with no artistic merit that causes sexual thoughts. i've aborted the reason to even consider having a good time. drenched in pink slime, the crime remains "neglect." i inherit sins from past generations, then i get sick. i hurl, i vomit out the contents of an innocent soul. nothing remains but a collapsed star, a black hole. a gaping opening, nothing can fulfill. i drink poisons, i swill toxins, i consume rotten arrangements of processed garbage. i don't exercise my right to have a clear mind. i reject air. i reject the notion that i can care. i bid you farewell. i bid on unsavory items in a black market. i anticipate the auctioneer's babble, i remember how to prattle on with small minded twits with their small talk, their idiotic squandering of time. the time comes to further reject and refute all controlling forces. negate all the life-sucking menaces to my vitality. i will acquire the source of boundless psychic energy and violently oppose, i will vigorously violate all the virulent vermin that vex me. very well and good, very swell and the brood multiplies. the evil swine will reproduce rapidly, but my command of my own moldy mind will entertain and entrance the opposition. i will entrust nobody with my main ideas, i will run the enemy through with spears, that's how i hold them dear. nearer to the stomp of my enraged foot, the bodies are torn up as the spear pulls out. now who pouts? there is a clear victor. voice a criticism of useless crippling fear, be annihilated, be exterminated, be eviscerated, then wake up. wake and shake your head, jump on the bed, yell. if hell doesn't exist, we can't go to hell.