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maggot man is bread. he lies. buy more asparagus. - nonsense
November 17th, 2012
02:53 pm

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maggot man is bread. he lies. buy more asparagus.
jerry had maggots in his brain, and they controlled his body. jerry was walking to the corner store to buy a pack of cigarettes, but the maggots had other plans for him. they commanded him to take his hand out of his pocket and wave it like the queen of england to people in passing cars. this disturbed jerry greatly, and his expression of dismay confused the people that saw it. the maggots pushed jerry to do other outlandish deeds, like doing an irish jig, dragging his butt on the ground like a dog, and biting his left arm. the maggots were having too much fun. it was a happy time inside jerry's skull. jerry continued to do foolish things at the request of his cranial infestation. jerry wasn't having any of this nonsense, though, and he fell asleep as his body continued to do ridiculous stunts for the public. the maggots noticed this, and it made them sad. without a host to torment, their actions felt fruitless, so they filed out of jerry's left ear as he laid in a ditch. they crawled into a nearby rotting cat carcass where they had a big meal of decaying flesh.

two hours later, jerry woke up refreshed and ready to buy the cigarettes he so desperately wanted. he noticed the absence of the maggots and felt better than he had in weeks. jerry bought his cigarettes and then jaunted off to his trailer house, smoking all the way. when jerry arrived at his trailer, he worked on his clay sculpture for about half an hour, then he went to hang out with his friend bruno.

bruno was a scrawny guy with a blonde mullet and thick glasses. he was jerry's closest friend, and a constant inspiration to him. when jerry and bruno got together, they usually played chess for several hours. during these long chess matches, the two would reminisce about their time in afghanistan. they were both military veterans, and they enjoyed their memories of the war. bruno often compared the military tactics he had used to the game of chess. bruno considered himself a knight, because he liked to hop around like a rabbit when he was in the army. jerry, conversely, considered himself a queen. not because he was a particularly powerful or cunning fighter, but because he liked to dress up like a lady. also, he was gay. jerry had a one man drag show down at "the aviary," a known hot-spot for gay veterans in the san antonio area.

as the chess match came to a close, jerry decided to head back home and get some "real sleep." the long game had been so intellectually demanding that he had burned over 500 calories by thinking alone. although jerry lost the game, he felt fine, as if he had learned something. the two shook hands and parted ways. as jerry walked past the cigarette store, he tripped on a pothole and fell into a ditch. jerry hit his head on the curb as he toppled over, and it knocked him out.

when jerry woke up, he immediately leaped into the air and started shouting gibberish. he flapped his arms like an idiot, and, to his horror, realized that he was once again under maggot control.

THE END?

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